“Cheery Families” was published by Thomas de la Rue & Co, in London.  There were thirteen families in the deck; all headed by contented tradesmen like Mr. Butt.  I suspect brewers would be barred from a children’s game nowadays.

(Posted by Doug Skinner.  Thanks to Angela Alverson.)

Observation is obfuscation.

The umbrella protects rain from humans.

musk scum

a broadcaster’s pleonasm: “constitutional rights according to the Constitution”

Birds of a feather fight together.

cartons of cartoons

A drawing is less successful the more it resembles its subject; fiction the more it resembles fact.

white noise from a wet nose

To gauge the social acceptability of your behavior, simply imagine how the characters on a TV sitcom would respond to it.

Music need not be aural: it can be a musical drawing, an unperformable score, imprecise instructions.

When my work makes no sensation,
That’s my proper compensation.
When my work makes little sense,
That’s the reader’s recompense.

(Posted by Doug Skinner. Drawing by Edgar Kellar.)

We have here an old, isolated card; I don’t know to what game it once belonged.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Wooden nickels serve many functions in our society: souvenirs, coupons, business cards, promotional items.  The graphic design is usually based on some stylization of a nickel.  For some reason, the older Indian or buffalo nickel is preferred.  I offer here a variety of designs, including a dime and “dickel.”  The “round tuit” is meant to serve as an icebreaker: the recipient has finally gotten a “round tuit.”

(Posted by Doug Skinner.)

a smelling aid: a device you clamp on your nose to amplify odors

a spontaneous portmanteau word from a newscaster: “Buffany” (for Buffalo and Albany)

heresy / hearsay

Can’t we just yell at each other without disagreeing?

the 88 keys of the piano: one for each constellation

sellphone

Amour and toujours, love and above: the rhymes in different languages affect cultural associations.

gulp plug

The Emperor Penguin has no clothes.

Hamlet’s omelet

It’s lonely at the top, but so crowded at the bottom.

(Posted by Doug Skinner.  Drawing by Samivel.)

The recent neologism “locavore,” meaning “one who eats local food,” has caused some confusion.  Its spelling is not yet standardized; one often sees the variant “locovore.”  Those wishing to use the word are paralyzed by indecision, unsure what to put for that fourth letter.

To solve this problem, I propose that “locovore” be treated as a separate word, meaning “one who eats crazy food.”  I suspect that it may prove useful.  There are at least three possible definitions: someone who eats food that causes insanity, someone who eats food that is itself insane, and someone whose diet is dictated by insanity.

The first includes, of course, anyone who enjoys “locoweed” (plants of the genera Astragalus or Oxytropis); the etymology demands it.  But locoweed primarily affects horses, cattle, and sheep; therefore, the term may be more suitable for someone ingesting substances that derange humans: hallucinogens, for example.

The second definition applies to one who eats insane plants or animals.  Given the difficulty of identifying psychological and neurological disorders in the Vegetable Kingdom, we will, of necessity, confine ourselves to carnivores.  Someone who consumes animals with “mad cow disease,” for example, fits the bill.  But, although it is easier to diagnose fauna than flora, it is still hard to establish our criteria.  How are we to gauge the sanity of animals raised for slaughter?  Factory farming routinely yields livestock with neither healthy minds nor healthy bodies; those who consume the products of this industry also qualify as “locovores.”

A variety of types are covered by the third definition.  Often, the food choices of an insane eater may be perfectly anodyne in themselves, but their selection dictated by a pathological condition.  Schizophrenics’ diets are prompted by inner voices.  Paranoiacs are driven by fear of persecution (canned foods are safer from tamper) or megalomania (all bananas are grown for the subject alone).  Obsessives and compulsives need unusually repetitive and limited diets, often with elaborate rituals of preparation and consumption (such as Tesla’s urge to calculate the volume of every meal).  Delusionals are convinced that their meals possess illusory nutritive or curative properties.  We can also add to our list all those who suffer from religious beliefs (an imagined deity decrees certain foods sacred or taboo) or who cling to cultural stereotypes (a food is identified exclusively with a particular sex, race, or political affiliation).  Those afflicted with bulimia, anorexia, lycanthropy, pica, or other eating disorders may also fit into this category.

Less formally, the term can also be used for those who, although not certifiably insane, make foolish, “crazy” choices: for example, someone who swallows physically harmful items (rocks, glass, live hornets, noxious chemicals).  We can extend the category to those who eat conventional foodstuffs that are carcinogenic, contaminated (fish tainted with heavy metals), or simply devoid of nutritional value (junk food and beverages).

I hope “locovore” will catch on; it promises a rich variety of applications, particularly given our current dietary mores.  An antonym may also be useful.  May I suggest “sanovore”?  “Sanavore”?

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

“Reformed Lesson Cards” were distributed in Sunday Schools.  Each card carried a picture and Bible verse; and, on the back, a brief sermon and quiz.  After twelve lessons, there was a review card.  The above card was handed out on June 27, 1897.  And here is Lesson XII, from the week before.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Some anti-depressants carry warnings that they may increase suicidal tendencies.

food-doofus

What part of “what part of” don’t you understand?

Joan of Arc’s story arc

newscaster slip: “chiefs of stash” for “chiefs of staff”

Are deists monarchists?

If you give a man a fish, you can feed him for a day.
If you give a fish a man, it will only swim away.

many a slap twixt cup and lap

I love the word “the”: the barest slip of a word, a breath.

agnostic / diagnostic

The clown holds up a paper hoop;
The dog thinks he’s a nincompoop.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

We have another “Old Maid” deck to add to the survey.  This one is from the Whitman Publishing Company: there’s no date, but it’s fairly early in the illustrious career of the Old Maid brigade.  It was hard to choose, but I’ve picked Mr. I. Never for his unusual anatomy and coloration.

And here’s the Old Maid:

There is yet another Old Maid on the rules card; so I’ll add her to the gallery:

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

If you’re so smart, how come you’re not intelligent?

Children hate everything they learn in school.  Perhaps we should re-institute school prayer.

Beat the drum and sound the trumpet!
Take the garbage out and dump it!

The penny is unique, currency worth so little it’s liminal: a financial schwa.

a book whose text negates itself as you read

Let’s demonize angels.

Connect the don’ts.

Why do we say “mere coincidence,” but not “mere causality”?

Yes, I’m wrestling with my demons, but they started it.

Objecting to music copied by hand, rather than by computer, is like objecting to food cooked in an oven rather than a microwave.

Don’t howl at the moon; how would you like it if it howled at you?

(Posted by Doug Skinner)