Salt and pepper packets occupy a strange position in our strange society.  In a country that monetizes everything, they’re free.  Everybody knows and uses them; and they pass unnoticed.  Other condiment packets contain commercial products familiar to the condiment-eater: the ketchup and mustard look like the bottles in the store.  Salt and pepper are also branded; but the brands in food service packs are essentially generic.  After all, common salt and pepper are just salt and pepper; except for “gourmet” or flavored varieties, product differentiation is impossible.  A free generic product?  In the USA?  Say what?

Somebody had to design these things — knowing all too well that the designs didn’t really matter, and that nobody would look at them.  So, for those of you who consistently misunderstand the Ullage Group’s spotlight on liminal graphics, here is a selection.  In the interest of more focused pleasure, I’m only posting pepper.

By the way — I didn’t consciously collect these.  I knew I had a small bowl in the kitchen with packets left over from takeout.  But I didn’t know there were so many designs, since I’d never bothered to look at them.

(Posted by Doug Skinner.)

These “Tree Spotter Cards” were published by Ed-U-Cards (no date).  The precise illustrations and warm colors give them a cozy look, I think.  And as the box copy enthuses, “It’s fun, too, playing the ’64 Point Game,’ learning many interesting facts about the different kinds of trees, and becoming an expert!”

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

genial mobs with menial jobs

The word “Luddite” has changed meanings.  It originally meant someone who was opposed to technology; now it means someone who doesn’t buy every digital product on the market.  A rejection of uncritical consumerism is not a rejection of technology; this misunderstanding is unfortunate.

A writer’s bio, in a textbook,
Can cite his last, but not his next, book.

another newscaster slip: “trading secretaries” for “trading securities”

coma / amok

No, you may not use my storage
Space for your uneaten porridge.

Even in the smallest club, performers over-amplify to over-ride chatter and to compel attention. Perhaps the same technique could be used in classrooms.

A phrase from a dream: “the supposed somethingization of something.” I like the sound of that; I have so many things that could use a good somethingization.

I was singing all summer, the Grasshopper said,
Now I’m cold, and I’m hungry, and begging for bread.
But your Aunt wouldn’t help him; she took up a broom,
And she swept the poor Grasshopper out of the room.

Don’t just stand there; stand over there, too.

We view life through a certain filter;
Which, all too often, slips off-kilter.

(Posted by Doug Skinner.)

“Card Magic” was a 1959 deck from Ed-u-Cards; it provided pictorial cards that allowed the young magician to perform various tricks.  This card was used in the “Spelling Trick.”  As a bonus, an “applause” card was also included, so the audience would know when that was expected.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

…that you don’t have to say everything that occurs to you?  If you are with other people, many things may pop into your head.  However, some of them may be rude, boring, or inappropriate, and best left unspoken.  If, for example, you are telling a story, and notice that your friends are checking their messages or napping, that could indicate that your story is less interesting to them than to you.  If a lull in the conversation unsettles you, you can always fill it by singing a little song, or by praising the activities of the Ullage Group.

…that you can get from one place to another by walking?  Unless you are ill or injured, you can actually learn to travel on your feet!  It’s less expensive than riding in a bus, train, or car; and doesn’t require any of that oil that has caused so much trouble.  Would you like to try it?  First, move away from this screen, and find an open area, free of objects that you could trip or slip on.  Then, balance on your feet, and move forward by placing one in front of the other.  And remember: practice makes perfect!

…that there is no God?  As strange as it may seem, there is no evidence for the existence of a deity, or even a coherent idea of what such a thing could be.  Although it’s fun to play “make believe” or “let’s pretend,” it’s silly to really believe in something without evidence.  That’s called “faith,” and you wouldn’t believe the terrible things people have done under its influence!  If you are clever, you will let others be the silly ones.  Besides, you can always change your mind, if they do find any evidence!

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

First comes pencil, then comes sentence;
Then come decades of repentance.

fly by night, flow by note

vive la dissonance

map spam

another newscaster slip: “perpetrate his legacy” for “perpetuate his legacy”

noxious nixies

The path of righteousness is straight and narrow; that’s how you can tell that it’s evil.

Here’s the church, and here’s the state:
Ready, set, regurgitate.

First there is no mountain, then you can’t get rid of the damn thing.

My sister was relentlessly hostile to me for trying to address family problems. “We know daddy is an alcoholic,” she once snapped at me, “we don’t need to talk about it.”

What happened to my nice wisteria?
Did you do that? By what criteria?

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

I’m afraid I can tell you nothing about this charming Japanese deck, since all the copy on it is in Japanese.  Jack doesn’t look too welcome here, does he?

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

…that you can eat fruits and vegetables?  Many of the unfamiliar items you avoid in the grocery store are harmless plant products that are surprisingly tasty and nutritious.  Although they are sold without branding or packaging, they are perfectly safe to eat.  If the lack of packaging upsets you, you can make your own at home with cardboard, markers, and other simple art supplies.

…that you can drink water?  If you’re thirsty, you don’t need to purchase soda pop, beer, or other commercial preparations.  The clear liquid that comes from your faucet will help hydrate your body, and keep you healthy and happy.  And it’s free!  Besides, beer contains alcohol, which, although beneficial in moderation, can lead to liver damage if used to excess.  Sodas contain corn syrup, which can lead to diabetes; which, in turn, can cause blindness and kidney failure.  You don’t want that, do you?

…that other people are different from you?  If you look around, you will notice that no two people look alike.  The funny way by which Nature makes more humans ensures genetic diversity; that way, we can tell people apart, and avoid embarrassing mix-ups.  It also means that other people have different tastes, opinions, beliefs, and interests than you.  That may frustrate and anger you, but will not actually harm you.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

I once had a group of French citizens in my apartment.  They were showering Americans with invective, so I replied by mocking the French.  They all told me, with genuine indignation, how rude I was to so insult my guests.

Must I buy another bugle?
I should try to be more frugal.

There’s a thin line between a thin line and a thick line.

No matter how we squint and peer,
We cannot see the centrosphere.

There are no atheists in foxholes; they prefer fox-trots.

Many writers left no portraits; how satisfying to have no image of Marlowe, Lautréamont, or de Sade.

a flipbook of someone flipping a flipbook

eros-sore

a Gideon Bible loaded with sneezing powder

frozen roses

High above us floats a cloud;
We can’t float: we’re not allowed.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

The debate over gay marriage is, perhaps, misguided.  Rather than extend the franchise, why not just scrap the practice?

I admit that I’m biased against marriage by observation of my parents.  It seemed to be an arrangement in which a male alcoholic slumped in a chair, binge-drinking and channel-surfing; he had a whistle around his neck to call an unhappy female, who waited on him in exchange for tantrums.  I affirm the right of consenting adults to pursue their own pleasures; still, I made a mental note to skip this one.

Not all marriages may be that dismal.  But the institution itself remains an incoherent mixture of unrelated elements.  The “traditional” marriage is, simultaneously, a commitment between two people to pursue a sexual relationship, and a legal contract about financial and medical rights.

The former is a private agreement, and is nobody else’s business, least of all the government’s.  The latter is paperwork, and the sexual activities of the signatories are as irrelevant as what they ate for lunch.  I’ve never seen what one had to do with the other.

Marriage was also often seen as a set-up for raising baby humans; and as a religious sacrament.  As far as the former goes, many couples pursue coupledom and contracts without benefit of brat; and, in turn, Nature pops out infants based on its own criteria of sexual attraction and fertility, with utter contempt for whether the breeders paid a clerk at a courthouse.  Religion is another matter.  Anyone who believes him or herself guided by a huge vaporous Imaginary Playmate is non compos mentis, and should be barred from legal responsibilities, parenthood, and dating.

The oft-expressed idea that marriage should be preserved because it is “traditional” is, simply, evil.  Just because humans have long done something doesn’t make it desirable; unless we are also willing to cherish, on the same grounds, such “traditions” as monarchy, warfare, genocide, rape, juggling, card tricks, genital mutilation, child abuse, and the full cornucopia of human folly and cruelty.

So, gays and straights alike, look forward rather than backward; and leave behind all of that claptrap.  You don’t need it; you have each other.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)