Don’t sing from the heart; use your lungs.

splilt

Maybe your snap judgment
Was just a crap judgment.

Asemic acrostics: Many enthusiasts have found acrostics in Shakespeare and other writers; we can also find acrostics that do not spell out words, giving us a hidden message without linguistic significance.

a pen that forms a line by eating away the paper

Be still, my spleen.

My carrot has a stick in it.

re-usable garbage bags

dirtergent

Simplified Scrabble: Each player gets one tile. Each rolls the dice, then advances the tile the number of spaces indicated. The first to reach the end wins.

Unicycle, bicycle, tricycle — where will it all end?

(Posted by Doug Skinner. The picture is anonymous, from an old children’s book.)

This sushi themed deck was, apparently, published by Accoutrements.  The number cards show sushi in multiple, the face cards show a larger roll.  The Joker is represented by wasabi and soy sauce.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

The glum protagonist of Vladimir Nabokov’s first novel, Mary, sinks so low that he works as a movie extra:

“Nothing was beneath his dignity; more than once he had even sold his shadow, as many of us have.  In other words he went out to the suburbs to work as a movie extra on a set, in a fairground barn, where light seethed with a mystical hiss from the huge facets of lamps that were aimed, like cannon, at a crowd of extras, lit to a deathly brightness.  They would fire a barrage of murderous brilliance, illumining the painted wax of motionless faces, then expiring with a click — but for a long time yet there would glow, in those elaborate crystals, dying red sunsets — our human shame.  The deal was clinched, and our anonymous shadows sent out all over the world.”

The poor man even has to suffer the indignity of seeing himself on screen:

“And at the present moment Ganin felt not only shame but also a sense of the fleeting evanescence of human life.  There on the screen his haggard image, his sharp uplifted face and clapping hands merged into the gray kaleidoscope of other figures; a moment later, swinging like a ship, the auditorium vanished and now the scene showed an aging, world-famous actress giving a very skillful representation of a dead young woman.  ‘We know not what we do,’ Ganin thought with repulsion, unable to watch the film any longer.”

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

“Letter-Grams” was published in 1938 by Milton Bradley.  There have been many crossword card games, but few with such an appealing and chubby typeface, or with such a decorative back.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

I had always thought “imitation butter” was margarine; that is, a spread that imitates butter’s oleaginous properties, and could be substituted if butter was unavailable, or too expensive.

This simple gag item, however, reminds me that butter has other qualities as well: in this case, the shape and color. Greasiness is immaterial, because it’s not meant to be consumed, but to be used as a “fun provoker at the table.” The dinner table, as I recall from my childhood, is not much fun, so the idea is inviting.

Unfortunately, it comes without instructions. I suppose that you substitute the imitation butter for the real, and the fun then follows from a fellow diner’s predicament when he discovers its properties. But when do you do this? Is it, for example, when your alcoholic father, once again, abuses your mother so mercilessly that she runs from the table in tears, and he then turns on you? Is that the time to provoke the fun? Or do you spring it earlier, so that the fun can derail the tirade?

My family is all dead, and they’ve conditioned me to avoid dinner tables, so the question is hypothetical; but instructions would still be welcome, just in case.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

While thumbing through a scrapbook of lodge emblems, I found this anthropomorphic frog, who apparently represents some of the activities of the Knights Templar — that is, the Masonic order, not the original 12th century group.  Frogs can symbolize many things; I can’t say what he means here.  But I like the Templar Frog; and in my ideal world, we could follow his adventures in picture stories, preferably with gold ink and embossing.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

“The H-Bar-O Rangers” radio show began in 1932, presenting the adventures of Bobby Benson and his friends, and extolling the merits of H-O cereal.  This card game was published sometime around 1933.  The back shows a lovely drawing of Bobby riding the range with Sunny Jim, the sponsor’s mascot, who was to be phased out of the program shortly after this.  I like their blue and red horses.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

We have a remarkable ability to see patterns where there are none, to see pictures in clouds, smoke, and rocks.  We’re particularly prone to see faces, perhaps because facial recognition is such an important survival skill.

“Images d’Epinal,” an old French firm that provided popular prints for generations, has long published pictures with hidden images, especially faces.  One of the curious effects of these pictures is that our pareidolia kicks in, and we see more faces than the artist intended.  To solve the puzzle, we have to pick the most convincing one.  I can only assume that this develops skills that will increase our enjoyment of blobsquatch photos, miraculous images of Biblical personalities, Shaver rocks, huge sculptures on Mars, and other works of art.

Dolmens, in the time of the Celts, were the altars where the Druids officiated.  Find the Druid?

Seek and you shall find!  I hear the Genie of the forest menacing me.  I am afraid!  Where is he?  For, without seeing him, I don’t know which way to run.

Seek and you shall find!  Where are the six comedians?

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Parker Brothers published “The Game of States and Cities” in 1946.  Each card shows one of the states; and players compete to “Name the State.”  For some reason, the cards all have one corner cut; perhaps to make them look less like Colorado.  I must admit that Michigan doesn’t look quite right to me here.

The other side has six questions about the state; these allow you to play another game, “Questions and Answers.”

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Anthology Film Archives will show some of the videos I made with Michael Smith, on Monday, November 14, at 7 pm.  We’re part of a series about comedy; videos by Eric Bogosian will also be on the bill.

I’ve been working lately at the Public Theater, as Ukulele Coach for their production of “King Lear,”  now in previews.  My old colleague Bill Irwin is cast as the Fool, and a pocket uke is involved.  Do pay a visit and soak up some Shakespeare.

Starting November 11, I’ll be starting the next round of classes in Uke 1 and Uke 2 at the exemplary Jalopy Theater.  Each course is eight weeks.  I’ll also be offering eight weeks of music fundamentals, under the title of “Nuts and Bolts,” starting November 10.  If you enroll in any of these, you’ll learn things. And I’ll mark my birthday there as well, with a show on January 7; details will follow, probably.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)