Here, as a Christmas treat, is the story of “The Monkey and the Parrot,” written by Alphonse Allais in 1899, and translated by the undersigned this afternoon.

THE MONKEY AND THE PARROT

Speaking of parrots, do you know the Persian fable of “The Monkey and the Parrot,” a story both ingenious and rich in instruction of all kinds?

You do not, you say; I should have guessed.

Unfortunately, to tell it properly, I need the pen of old La Fontaine, or of young Franc-Mohain, and neither of these utensils is at my disposal.

So, let us content ourselves with some excellent prose of the Fléchier type, if you will excuse the expression.

Once upon a time, there lived in the same palace a monkey and a parrot.

And there were, between the two animals, eternal discussions about their respective merits.

“I,” said the monkey, “grimace like man.  Like man, I gesticulate.  My hind paws are legs and feet; those in front are arms ending in hands.  At a distance, I could be mistaken for a man: a small man, but a man.”

“I,” said the parrot, “have never had the foolish pretension to pass for a man, but I possess his greatest gift, speech!  I can declaim fine verses, and sing ineffable songs.”

“I can do pantomime,” retorted the monkey.

“Pantomime?” scoffed the parrot, shrugging his shoulders.  “Pantomime, an inferior art, the last resort of a ham with laryngitis!”

“Inferior art!” cried the monkey.  “I take it you haven’t read Mendès’s last column on pantomime?”

“No!” snapped the parrot.

In short, the monkey extolled the Gesture, the parrot the Word.

Which was superior, and closer to humanity, the Gesture or the Word?  That was the question.

One day, the quarrel grew unusually heated, and our two animals came close to blows.

Fortunately, a scandal was averted, thanks to a clever remark by our monkey, who had the last word.

“You grimace, but I talk!” repeated the parrot for the thousandth time.

“You talk, you talk!” the monkey cried.  “Well, you imbecile, what have I been doing the past hour, during this whole stupid argument?”

And for once the parrot did not open his beak.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

“Black Peter” is a popular game in Eastern Europe; here are three other examples.  This one was published by Grafika-Grafoprint, in Zagreb, Croatia, as “Crni Petar.”  In this case, Black Peter is not the traditional African or chimney sweep, associated with Christmas, but a hunter; and the other cards are the hunted.  And here is the hapless hunter, left alone and empty-handed at the end of the game.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

There have been other card games that adapt non-card games: baseball or bowling, to name two.  This 1959 offering from Russell, “Tail the Donkey,” reworks the old party favorite.  Players compete to collect a complete donkey — in a specific order, to make it trickier.  No blindfolds or sharp objects are required.  The design on the back is a deft one, I think.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

My translation of Pierre-Henri Cami’s playlet, “The Man in the Iron Mask,” is included in the first issue of The Black Scat Review.  You read it first on this site; now read it with other interesting material in a magazine.

Black Scat Books will also publish a series of booklets collecting the Captain Cap stories, by the great comic writer Alphonse Allais, in my scrupulous translations.  The first volume includes much on the Captain’s political career, as well as recipes for his favorite cocktails.

Having been awarded a certificate for my performance in last year’s “Filthy Song Night” at the Jalopy Theater, I will make an appearance this year to pass the torch to the next generation.  That’s on Dec. 21, and it’s a unique night in the theater.

I will also be performing my traditional birthday show at Jalopy on Jan. 4.  I will be joined by David Gold and Brian Dewan.  And you, of course.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Ah, we have another “Old Maid.”  This one is undated, and published by E. E. Fairchild.  As the box says, it features “Characters from Nursery Rhymes and Folk Tales.”  It appears to be a revised version of this one.

And here’s the Old Maid.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Mutt and Jeff discuss taxes, in this daily strip from 1926.  Jeff has it all figured out.

(Posted by Doug Skinner.  From The Mutt and Jeff Cartoons, Book 11, 1926.)

The “New Testament Game,” published in 1899 by The Fireside Game Company, was a variation on the popular game of “Quartets.”  The deck contained 52 scenes from the life of Jesus, divided into groups of four, which the player then collected.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Readers of Raymond Roussel’s penultimate work, Nouvelles Impressions d’Afrique, are faced with a problem. The work is built on a system of nested parentheses, and they’re hard to negotiate. Some readers have built machines, or used card files; I found it easier to make a map, which I could then check to find my way back after a digression.

You’re welcome to use it, of course, but I recommend making your own, since it helps orient you.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

We have here another early edition of “Authors”; I found it without a box, so can offer no information on date or publisher.  Dickens seems to be sporting unruly hair and beard in this portrait.  The other writers in the pantheon this time are: Longfellow, Irving, Cooper, Scott, Holmes, and Burns.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)