The recent neologism “locavore,” meaning “one who eats local food,” has caused some confusion.  Its spelling is not yet standardized; one often sees the variant “locovore.”  Those wishing to use the word are paralyzed by indecision, unsure what to put for that fourth letter. To solve this problem, I propose that “locovore” be treated as […]

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Cold weather is here; now is the time to relax in a comfortable chair with a hot beverage.  May we recommend the Ullage Group Toddy?  It’s a simple drink: ginger tea, honey, and brandy.  We cannot guarantee that we were the first to combine those ingredients (ginger and brandy are, after all, soulmates), but we […]

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The debate over gay marriage is, perhaps, misguided.  Rather than extend the franchise, why not just scrap the practice? I admit that I’m biased against marriage by observation of my parents.  It seemed to be an arrangement in which a male alcoholic slumped in a chair, binge-drinking and channel-surfing; he had a whistle around his neck to call an unhappy female, who waited on […]

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The European experiment in unified currency, the euro, has proven problematic.  One of the main difficulties has been the imposition of standard regulations and controls on such diverse cultures and economies. Like the European Union, the United States is — as the name explicitly reminds us — an organized coalition of states, each with its […]

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Our last digital update set me to wondering: why haven’t our hi-tek overlords marketed electronic tampons?  The consumer-congregants have already been trained to crave phones that take photos.  Surely there must be some way to sell them tampons rigged with needless gizmos.  Perhaps sound chips could play soothing melodies, motivational slogans, or Bible verses, to ease the […]

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English has no names for the toes.  Each finger has a name; the fifth has at least three: little, pinky, and auricular.  But the toes are anonymous. English isn’t alone in this; most languages see no reason to name toes.  The only exception I know of is Swedish, which, thanks to a nursery rhyme, lists […]

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I’m not a pet owner; I shrink instinctively from such responsibility.  But, these days, I am tending a friend’s cats while he’s abroad (and perfect angels they are, too).  And that has led me to contemplate cat food more than I have before. Cats and humans are different species, and have different diets.  Homo sapiens […]

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If you’re still undecided as to how to celebrate your God-given American Freedoms – in this case, when voting next Tuesday – you’ve always got Politics Party Pun to choose for you. Yes folks, this is indeed “the biggest GAME in the world.” Like a cross between, Old Maid, craps, dreidel, and gambling, this game […]

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Since everyone’s talking money and politics these days, I thought it reasonably acceptable to make a contribution to the conversation in this forum. I think the idea of ullage can be a tool. As (or if) you find yourself ever more embroiled in the struggle mentioned above, you might also find that it comes in […]

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Our seemingly interminable presidential campaign rattles on. Perhaps you’ve noticed. But don’t fret: I won’t add to the gab about the candidates. I would only like to remark that millions of dollars are collected and spent in the process. We often worry about the source of those millions, and take pains that no one udder […]

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