Get busy, scientists!  Count those stars! Recently, an elderly woman approached me at a market in upstate New York to upbraid me for wearing black.  “You must admit that it’s unusual,” she snapped.  I tried to tell her that it wasn’t, really, but it was no use: obviously, she knew better. A little wine will […]

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Something fell from my body cavity; I hope it wasn’t hurt by gravity. amateur / maturer Are you going to finish that hemlock? This evening, I heard a pundit on the radio say “re-citizen” instead of “recidivism.” To err is human, to forgive human. Stonehenge was built to support a circus tent. Is it true what […]

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Common sense tells us the earth is flat, the universe rotates around it, and everyone loves us. Take my lariat — I can’t carry it. If you all talk at once, you won’t have to listen. We may have to accept that it’s no longer possible to monetize intellectual property.  Artists are expected to hold […]

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A fly’s on my icewater; hand me my flyswatter. Most people don’t mean well; they mean nothing at all. Make a Gideon Bible that just says “Gideon,” over and over, on every page. A fox spied a crow with a morsel of cheese in his beak.  The fox praised the crow’s voice, but the crow easily […]

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Why are humans so fond of rectangles?  They’re rare in nature, but we use them for everything. Feeling in a funky mood?  Try a little monkey food. Rock & roll purists insist you should never use more than three chords.  If you use more, do you have to wear a scarlet 4 on your shirt? Not all […]

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The Ullage Group’s sixth public outing attracted our largest turnout yet.  We ran out of chairs and pews; some had to stand, fidgeting. After an introductory sermonette, Lisa uncorked the ullage, and poured out the traditional offering to our hosts at the Jalopy Theater, Geoff and Lynette Wiley.  She then discussed the cultural history of […]

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I’m puzzled by the word “spiritual.”  I understand it as a noun, meaning a genre of vocal music.  But as an adjective, it has me stumped. When I meet someone who spatters his or her sentences with it, I sometimes ask what it means.  She or he usually refuses, often with projectile hostility.  One woman […]

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I found this anonymous pencil drawing at a flea market.  There’s probably a story behind it; perhaps it’s just as well that we don’t know what it is. (Posted by Doug Skinner)

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The Ullage Group excitedly presents its fifth hodgepodge, “Straight Talk About Hoaxes.”  Doug Skinner will talk about pseudo-hoaxes, botched fictions, and accidental lies: stories intended as fiction, but accepted as fact by those bent on belief.  Lisa Hirschfield will discuss storytelling and seduction in Nigerian love letters.  Anthony Matt will discuss the intricacies of the […]

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There are plenty of ways to make a point quickly and emphatically, but few are as economical as a good interjection. Compared to the expressions one never runs across anymore except in Shakespeare, eighteenth century novels, and Mad Libs, most recent examples are pretty unmusical, uninspired, and linguistically dull: “wow,” “cool,” “awesome,” “Jesus.” This extends […]

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