Do you want the hostile hospital or the hospitable hospital?

the non-simile: the glass is as clear as glass

The Devil’s tail is so prehensile
That it can wield both pen and pencil.

I was in Rome during a Scotland-Italy soccer match; the city swarmed with stocky Scots in kilts and singlets. One commandeered the Spanish Steps for a rousing tune on the pipes, as his countrymen roared their approval, patriotism, and team spirit. As soon as he’d finished, however, one man near me turned to his wife and remarked, “Ah, he’s a crap piper.”

Stop making two thermodynamic systems in thermal equilibrium with a third, but not with each other! There are laws against that sort of thing!

a new sport: pillow polo

My sister was scornful of me for drinking seltzer, which she said was “bitter.” I was puzzled by this, until I realized that she never drank anything that wasn’t sweetened.

hyperbolic litotes: not too earth-shatteringly magnificent

I always enjoy hearing a newscaster stumble over the phrase “Iranian uranium.”

On one of my visits to my family in Oklahoma, my mother wanted to visit a bison preserve. We drove through miles of empty prairie, to reach a fenced-in area of more empty prairie. We didn’t see any bison. A guard told us they were off somewhere else, and that they had all come from the Bronx Zoo.

Most people sleep at 3 a.m.;
I guess I’m just not one of them.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)