Your butt in back, in front your face:
That’s how you move through time and space.

I once found a salamander in my family’s yard. Salamanders are harmless; still, my father’s immediate reaction was “Kill it!”

Maybe we can spend the meeting
Arguing about the seating.

If you pay attention, you may notice an increasing stigmatization of cash. Credit and debit cards are the norm; cash is now sometimes called “the underground economy,” and branded as somewhat skeevy, the tender of drugs and prostitution. Obviously, people pay cash only if they don’t want their identities tracked. I recently paid dollar bills for batteries in Radio Shack, and the clerk insisted on getting my name and address — which was, apparently, Elmer Hoohah of 23 Bedspring Boulevard.

Project: a stereoscopic flipbook

It is better to curse the light than the darkness; that way, you can see what you’re doing.

On the morning of my sister’s wedding, I stepped outside and saw a feral cat eating the head of its dead kitten.

When in public, don’t make peepee:
Other people find it creepy.

Print up cards urging people to read Matthew xx: 38.

Newscaster flub: “sewer loser” for “sore loser.”

Clarence Darrow, an avowed pessimist, was asked why he didn’t just commit suicide. “I don’t have to,” he explained, “I’m going to die anyway.”

(Posted by Elmer Hoohah. The sketch is by Thackeray.)