We have heard reports that the Ullage Group is fixated on the past and that ullage means old things and concepts. To some extent this is true. There are many ullage topics of interest frozen in the glacier of the past. So let’s have a hot post about something new. 
The TV-B-Gone is a key chain remote, which functions as a universal off switch for most televisions. Every card-carrying member of the Ullage Group should have one at the high ready, when navigating public spaces. Broadcast television is toxic to all things ullage. It is a cultural metronome which keeps us all in consumptive lock step. To be fair, not all television is bad. Ernie Kovacs made amazing television programs, and HBO’s The Wire was superb, but television is primarily an instrument of paralysis, which sucks your life out through your eyes.
The TV-B-Gone is not new. I purchased one a few years ago. Doug Skinner and I have had much amusement pulling the media syringe out of the public’s eyes. There is a new development in TV-B-Gone technology. The TV-B-Gone Pro SHP (super high power). This new device can switch TVs off 100 meters away, and, because stealth is always desirable, the TV-B-Gone SHP resembles an iPhone. The first TV-B-Gone was a water pistol, this new device is an infrared fire hose. 
The prime target for this device is the muted public television. Why are they on? Why are they everywhere? Doug was recently eating at a diner and noticed a bizarre juxtaposition. Bing Crosby’s “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas” was softly playing throughout the diner as a mute TV displayed a breaking CNN report on the attacks in Mumbai.
So put a stop to this madness and buy a new improved TV-B-Gone SHP.
-posted by Anthony Matt
4 responses so far ↓
1 Lisa // Mar 2, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Speaking on behalf of the U.G., I want to add that none of us are compensated spokespeople for Cornfield Electronics, Inc. At least, I think not.
2 Doug // Mar 3, 2009 at 1:13 pm
The question of whether something is old or new is problematic; particularly since old ideas get recycled, and supposedly new ideas can be retreads. I prefer to think of everything I find in the present as part of the present, since that’s where I find it.
The TV-B-Gone is particularly satisfying to use in retail outlets. Stores selling electronics and DVDs often have several TVs on; I always enjoy seeing a whole bank of corporate brain chow dispensers go dark.
3 Lisa // Mar 4, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I was always too shy to try mine in public, and then the battery died.
4 Frank // Apr 15, 2009 at 1:04 am
Let me borrow it.