.
Why shouldn’t a frog fall from the sky?  Does it have something better to do?
divested of vistas
It isn’t wise to buy or sell a
Lot of eggs with salmonella.
The artist sees art as the true business of life. The audience sees art as a diversion from the true business of life. There will be […]

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genial mobs with menial jobs
The word “Luddite” has changed meanings.  It originally meant someone who was opposed to technology; now it means someone who doesn’t buy every digital product on the market.  A rejection of uncritical consumerism is not a rejection of technology; this misunderstanding is unfortunate.
A writer’s bio, in a textbook,
Can cite his last, […]

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…that you don’t have to say everything that occurs to you?  If you are with other people, many things may pop into your head.  However, some of them may be rude, boring, or inappropriate, and best left unspoken.  If, for example, you are telling a story, and notice that your friends are checking their messages […]

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First comes pencil, then comes sentence;
Then come decades of repentance.
fly by night, flow by note
vive la dissonance
thirst comes first
another newscaster slip: “perpetrate his legacy” for “perpetuate his legacy”
noxious nixies
The path of righteousness is straight and narrow; that’s how you can tell that it’s evil.
Here’s the church, and here’s the state:
Ready, set, regurgitate.
First there is no […]

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…that you can eat fruits and vegetables?  Many of the unfamiliar items you avoid in the grocery store are harmless plant products that are surprisingly tasty and nutritious.  Although they are sold without branding or packaging, they are perfectly safe to eat.  If the lack of packaging upsets you, you can make your own at […]

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I once had a group of French citizens in my apartment.  They were showering Americans with invective, so I replied by mocking the French.  They all told me, with genuine indignation, how rude I was to so insult my guests.
Must I buy another bugle?
I should try to be more frugal.
There’s a thin line between a […]

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If you want your work commercial,
Go for pseudo-controversial.
a musical phenakistascope: the notes move on the staff
a rodeo on the radio
Even as a child, I was baffled by the idea of Hell: how could fire hurt disembodied souls?
What a pretty puffin!
Polly want a muffin?
What a pretty quetzal!
Polly want a pretzel?
A stereoscopic panorama: the first image is […]

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You must not shred that pretty poster
And jam the pieces in the toaster.
a film in which the camera operator falls asleep
Summer is often called journalism’s “silly season,” because there are more stories about animals or forteana, rather than serious subjects like politics.
a musical pangram: a piece that uses every note of the keyboard once
a slot […]

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a crossword puzzle in which each word is in a different language
I’ve often, when it comes to art, felt
You bore me with your mawkish “heart-felt.”
I’d rather hear the thoughts your mind thought:
Forget your “feelings”; get behind thought.
Dammit, Jesus; now I have to wash my hair in zinfandel.
a neglected form: bawdy haiku
Were mermaids only manatees?
Men make […]

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Do you want the hostile hospital or the hospitable hospital?
the non-simile: the glass is as clear as glass
The Devil’s tail is so prehensile
That it can wield both pen and pencil.
I was in Rome during a Scotland-Italy soccer match; the city swarmed with stocky Scots in kilts and singlets. One commandeered the Spanish Steps for a rousing tune […]

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