Our last digital update set me to wondering: why haven’t our hi-tek overlords marketed electronic tampons? The consumer-congregants have already been trained to crave phones that take photos. Surely there must be some way to sell them tampons rigged with needless gizmos. Perhaps sound chips could play soothing melodies, motivational slogans, or Bible verses, to ease the customers through their monthly cramps. Those who prefer to smile through their tears might be tickled by comic catchphrases or cartoon sound effects. Tyro menstruators could receive instruction or advice without having to read a text or speak with another human. And in the UK, recordings of Prince Charles reciting poetry or bits of old “Goon Show” scripts would rake in the quid.
I’m too busy here to pursue this. But I estimate it would take only a few months to teach the consumer-congregants that only losers buy dowdy old non-electronic tampons. So all of you enterprising youngsters, remember the timeless adage of product development: “Find a need and fill it.” Get to work, and make your keepers proud.
(Posted by Doug Skinner)
2 responses so far ↓
1 Lisa // Feb 1, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Brilliant Doug!
This provides a perfect segue into my planned but never completed survey of early and mid-20th century feminine hygiene product advertising.
If you’re going to suggest talking models, then how about a tampon that reads audiobooks? The morning subway commute would be a cacophony. The more I think about the technical details of this, however, the more I don’t want to think about it at all.
2 mamie // Feb 2, 2009 at 8:56 pm
F-word brilliant!