Another “Hearts” has materialized — this one from Oriental Trading.  This time the fox is the jinx.  And if I were young, I would be a bit spooked by those eyes.

(Posted by Doug Skinner) 

You must not shred that pretty poster
And jam the pieces in the toaster.

a film in which the camera operator falls asleep

Summer is often called journalism’s “silly season,” because there are more stories about animals or forteana, rather than serious subjects like politics.

a musical pangram: a piece that uses every note of the keyboard once

a slot machine for wooden nickels

If you’re the bird that wakes up early,
Then you get all the hurly-burly.

It’s better to fall into a cesspool, than to have a cesspool fall into you.

One sentence sums up my sister’s personality. It was after the shooting of Amadou Diallo. I expressed my dismay that two plainclothes policeman had pumped 41 bullets into an innocent unarmed man in front of his building. She answered, with infinite scorn and condescension, “Well, they should shoot him if he’s out after the curfew.”

By the way, what about the carbon footprint of a server farm?

a choral quarrel

The morning and the afternoon
Deprive us of the stars and moon.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

“Mixies” — an Ed-u-Cards creation from 1956 – touted itself as the ”card game of 1001 funny figures.”  Each card showed 1/3 of a person or animal, each from the circus; players could mix them up and admire the comical results; or collect sets of figures in a more conventional card game.  And, in either case, enjoy that distinctively ’50s graphic verve.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

a crossword puzzle in which each word is in a different language

I’ve often, when it comes to art, felt
You bore me with your mawkish “heart-felt.”
I’d rather hear the thoughts your mind thought:
Forget your “feelings”; get behind thought.

Dammit, Jesus; now I have to wash my hair in zinfandel.

a neglected form: bawdy haiku

Were mermaids only manatees?
Men make mistakes when sailing seas.

the internet: the CB radio of the future

We are not, physiologically, carnivores: we have neither the teeth nor claws of a predator; we lack the short intestine of a carnivore. Meat consumption, particularly at the usual American dosage, is linked to heart disease, colon cancer, diabetes, and other illnesses. Why, then, do so many proponents of “intelligent design” eat meat?

processionals of professionals

I would hate to be a stripper
Having trouble with her zipper.

You just think you’re being objective.

Needless to say, [deleted].

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Our eighth event, “Remembering Keel,” took place on a sunny Sunday afternoon.  We had somewhat of a small crowd, thanks to the World Cup (which we certainly didn’t anticipate when we reserved the space months ago).

Doug opened the ceremonial ullage: for this occasion, we chose John’s favorite drink, a diabetic protein shake. 

Lisa read a piece John wrote for his hometown paper when he was 15, and excerpts from some of his work for men’s magazines in the ’50s; and joined Doug in reading a brief proposal for a film, “Nudists from Outer Space.”  Doug read from a proposal for a sequel to John’s first book, Jadoo; Anthony read a bit from John’s novel Three Women.  Our guest, Larry “Ratso” Sloman, read another proposal John submitted to the National Lampoon when Ratso was editor.

The audience was also treated to a promotional song for Jadoo; a clip from one of John’s radio shows for the Armed Forces Network; a film from the ’60s, featuring John as a drunk in the Museum of Modern Art; and video interviews with George Kuchar and David Letterman.

Of course, the day before the anniversary of John’s death, my computer, printer, and scanner all stopped working.  But that’s to be expected.  That Keelian chaos can’t be stopped by something as paltry as death.

So thanks to all; and extra thanks to Anthony and to Geoff Brady for audio and video preparation.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)  

I’m happy to inform you that you can now savor that notorious lipogrammatical curiosity, Gadsby, simply by following this link.  Gadsby has long had an almost mythological status among linguistic buffs (and Oulipo fans); most of its original printing was lost long ago, but luckily a microfilm proof copy still sits in a public library (in California, I think, but I couldn’t find out).  And now you can study this oddity in a digital format, just by clicking that link — and fly off to a magical fictional microcosm, a world of words tightly bound by an unusual, arguably arbitrary, and disturbingly strict formal constraint.  Do it today!

(Post by Doug; thanks to A. A.)    

Yet another fish game has come our way; this one, “Go Fish,” was published by Oriental Trading — no date, but it looks like a recent addition to the canon.  The sea bass is joined in this version by the octopus, marlin, shark, dolphin, angel fish, sea horse, manta ray, and clown fish.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

Do you want the hostile hospital or the hospitable hospital?

the non-simile: the glass is as clear as glass

The Devil’s tail is so prehensile
That it can wield both pen and pencil.

I was in Rome during a Scotland-Italy soccer match; the city swarmed with stocky Scots in kilts and singlets. One commandeered the Spanish Steps for a rousing tune on the pipes, as his countrymen roared their approval, patriotism, and team spirit. As soon as he’d finished, however, one man near me turned to his wife and remarked, “Ah, he’s a crap piper.”

Stop making two thermodynamic systems in thermal equilibrium with a third, but not with each other! There are laws against that sort of thing!

a new sport: pillow polo

My sister was scornful of me for drinking seltzer, which she said was “bitter.” I was puzzled by this, until I realized that she never drank anything that wasn’t sweetened.

hyperbolic litotes: not too earth-shatteringly magnificent

I always enjoy hearing a newscaster stumble over the phrase “Iranian uranium.”

On one of my visits to my family in Oklahoma, my mother wanted to visit a bison preserve. We drove through miles of empty prairie, to reach a fenced-in area of more empty prairie. We didn’t see any bison. A guard told us they were off somewhere else, and that they had all come from the Bronx Zoo.

Most people sleep at 3 a.m.;
I guess I’m just not one of them.

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

What better way to mark our 100th graphic lagniappe here than with “Piggy Bank” (Ed-U-Cards, 1965)?  The graphics for this game consisted of pennies and nickels — and, of course, the Silver Pig that you put them in.

Children learned an important lesson here.  If you saved 100 pennies, you would have a dollar.  But an Ed-U-Card game cost only 29 pennies… 

(Posted by Doug Skinner)

We seldom find unfettered science:
It takes instructions from its clients.

Make a Gideon Bible with a flipbook on the bottom of some of its pages.

Today I faced a bottleneck on a crowded sidewalk, because one of my fellow citizens refused to walk to the right. “I always pass on the left,” he snarled, “I got a rule.”

truth thru hurt, hurt thru truth

Have pity on the cormorant –
He’d like to be a swan, but can’t.

On one of my visits to my family in Oklahoma, I took them some fresh bagels from NYC.  My father and sister refused them, because they weren’t soft and sweet. My father delivered a tirade against all chewy foods. My sister scornfully informed me that there was a company in Oklahoma called Entenmann’s, whose baked goods are “so soft.” My mother did eat one, but only after cutting it up and frying it in margarine. “That softens it up,” she explained.

internet/internment

a bell whose clapper is another bell

Perhaps we can find a way to use discarded electronics as fuel.  How satisfying it would be to open the hood of the vehicle, and shovel in unwanted phones and laptops!

 trail + map = trap

A knight can use a suit of armor,
But it’s not helpful to a farmer.

(Posted by Doug Skinner.  The sketch is by Giuseppe Novello.)